What a gorgeous morning it is here in good old Christchurch, sun
shining, my red rhododendrons are out and about 7 daffodils, the daphne is
blooming and smelling oh so sweet. Feels like spring is in the air and I
haven't got a hangover!! YES! This is really starting to pay off.
I even had a better sleep but only because I could sleep in, I still had
a long wakeful time in the night. But I don't panic about this as I
believe it will pass.
I'm going to that Begin Again movie that
our Camp Mother Mrs D enjoyed so much, and I am taking my darling daughter. I
am getting a lot out of reading Jason Vale, even though I not sure I agree with
every single thing he says. Mostly I do. I don't think I agree that every
single person with alcohol in their lives is addicted to it even though they
may not drink much. This is mainly because of my partner. I think many
people can have alcohol in their lives without being a slave to it like I was.
I don't think it does any harm at all to my man. He works really hard, goes home or comes here, often only has one beer and one red wine, or later in the week Friday, Saturday more like 3 beers and 2 or 3 wines (that would be quite a big night for him). He never appears drunk, doesn't talk shit, plays nice music, chats, and then he stops and usually spends a couple more hours putting up with me while I would have any number more. I've not often met a more normal drinker. So I don't really see it that everybody that drinks is a slave to a poisonous drug, even though I do accept that alcohol is poison. For someone like him I would think more like "he enjoys it, doesn't seem to do him any harm, why give it up? He is so normal with it that over these last 4 years or so that we've been together his "normality" has totally highlighted my "abnormality". It's not that we didn't have a nice time together when drinking, we did, but it did really expose my inability to stop, that compulsion that I just wanted one more. It's day 13 today, and I haven't minded him having a few beers or a wine over this time, I thought it best to get used to that straight away. My lack of control should not prohibit him from enjoying one of his pleasures. Is my thinking right here? I am curious.
It's late afternoon now and we went to the movie and it truly is a gorgeous movie, and I reckon I know exactly which one liner made Mrs D emotional too. Very well played by everyone in it. I'd better go and get ready for our little dinner date before Mr Normal arrives. Hope everyone's having a great day and that you all have safe and happy weekend.
I am also reading Jason Vale. I think I agree with you. My husband is a totally normal drinker. He can honestly take or leave it. He will go for days not drinking and not even notice. he has certain drinks that he likes..... red wine with cheese is a deep love. But he just honestly does not care about it.
ReplyDeleteMe on the other hand..... :)
Hiya Shiny. Thanks for your comment. I agree with Colourful (below) that although there are some things he says which I don't entirely agree with, it doesn't really matter as overall the book is a huge help and the majority of it makes perfect sense. I think he is just trying so hard for us to perceive alcohol as only a negative thing, that in a couple of areas he has gone a wee bit overboard, but with excellent intentions. I just finished the book this morning lying in bed and you know what, I feel real glad I had already made my decision to quit before I'd even heard of the book. It probably made it easier to comprehend, and I didn't have to have that final drink!! I'd already had it 2 weeks ago today. Have a good week x
DeleteAwww, I want to go to the movie too now! We were offered a baby sitter tonight - but my parter is on call this weekend, so no movies for us. I totally agree with you re Jason Vale, I had a few other things in there I didn't agree with either, or at least had questions about, but nothing big enough to take away from the message of the book. I have just finished Alan Carr's book too. Pretty similar stuff, though I found him arrogant. It didn't really matter though, I just feel like I need to keep reading these books at the moment, which explain to me over and over and over why I am never to drink again. Glad you have had a lovely day, and am very jealous of your nice weather. I hope tomorrow is good for you too xx
ReplyDeleteA book that really helped me understand myself, and others, which I read about 15 years ago, and again about 8 years ago, and which I might just read again now....is Soul Mates by Dr Thomas Moore (not to be confused by books with the same title by other authors). It is not about alcohol, but is a book worth reading x
DeleteI would ask him to read the book and consider it.
ReplyDeleteIn the short term I think you should request the house be alcohol free. Having a safe zone is very important. You might not think it now, but it's very easy to become resentful watching others indulge if you can't.
Try taking magnesium before bed. It helps you sleep!
Hi Anne, I will try magnesium, thanks. I don't think I want to make my home alcohol free though. I don't think I will mind others doing what they want, and it is not as if my home is a full on busy party house. My son has moved out, my daughter will move later this year, so it would feel silly to me to not let my partner drink when he's at my house, but to still go to his house for a couple of days each week, where he will drink a few beers. I think for me it is wiser to just take it in my stride. He only had one wine at the restaurant last night, and none when we got home, so he is being respectful and kind. Thanks for your thoughts x
DeleteOh good I'm glad you enjoyed it... Mr D was worried that I'd over hyped it! But I so loved it... Camp Mother.. ha ha I like that! Your bloke sounds exactly like Mr D with his drinking and I never asked him to not have alcohol around (although I would tell him on a particularly bad night for me if I was being confronted by his wine glass on the bench - so just say so if it's a hard evening and your man might be like Mr D and get it away on those occasions).. I love that you woke up feeling so happy and am so proud of you for getting through that day with the operation happening etc without drinking. You are so doing this!!! xxxx
ReplyDeleteYeah Mrs D, I so AM! I finished Jason Vale this morning, so that's another bit of excellent reinforcement under my belt! Now I am going to read Brazzaville Beach by Williiam Boyd, which my friend who used to own Scorpio Books has recommended. It is a novel and I am looking forward to being engrossed in it. I love to read. I'm going up to see my brother today and feel so grateful that he has now had all the cancer cut out. He is tough and he will survive, I feel sure of it. Cold down here today, might light the fire shortly. I will be glad to hear of other books that might be helpful. I tried reading Alan Carr once when I was trying to give up smoking, but he annoyed me, I can't remember why. (and I still smoke!) but only about 8-10 a day now, and that is something I hope to tackle once I've got the hang of being sober clear headed me. One thing at a time. Do you still smoke? Fucking stupid habit isn't it? Have a Lazy Sunday Afternoon xo Thanks heaps for your support x
ReplyDeleteRighto guys,I'm going to get Jason Vales's book and read it.About our partners drinking and having a booze free house,I decided it was my choice and not to impose it on anyone.My wine rack stands,for now,chokka full of my poison and his.Whites at the top(3/4 really) and his reds below.The only thing I have complained about is me having to put his dirty glass in the dishwasher in the morning.Don't need that!
ReplyDelete