Hello everyone. It has been very good for me to get away for a few days. Lake Tekapo was a real nice place to relax, and we also went on a day trip and hiked about 15 k's to get up close and personal with Mt Cook and the beautiful frozen lake below it. Each evening we had totally decadent 3 course meals in the Rakinui restaurant at Peppers, not to mention the vast array of breakfast choices, so I've managed to pile on a bit of a spare tyre.....on top of the one that was already there!
Being away made me realise I was becoming a bit dysfunctional in my new sobriety here at home. I kind of used my home as a big safety net. Didn't go out much at all, just stayed here and worked all day, then got a quick dinner, then more or less took off to bed very early every night and passed the time with books and DVD's and a bit of TV. It wasn't so much that I was afraid I'd have a drink, it was more that I just felt very fragile and vulnerable in all ways. I needed to be alone. Getting away has hopefully snapped me out of all that. It was so good to be reminded of how breathtakingly beautiful our country is, and to have such sunny warm days, and to just finally relax, it has been like a balm to my soul. I even slept way better than I have for 6 weeks. I feel very lucky.
I am going to try to get over myself now. I don't drink. That's it. End of story.
Sure, it is hard to get used to, but it is also the very best thing I can do for myself and for those around me.
There is so much more to life than indulging a tired and boring old habit. I accept fully that I am not a moderate drinker, nor will I ever be. So that's about where the choices run out. So I might as well look on the bright side, and I am. I am going to toughen up, right now! I have before me a future in which I can visualise myself laughing and happy, with so many more opportunities coming my way, and the energy and motivation to participate fully. I can see travel. I can see creativity. I can see grandparenthood......(now there's a motivation if ever there was one). I can see financial opportunity now in the short term, and I can see retirement in the next 5 years. I can see the move I will make to Diamond Harbour next year, the renovations I will do to my humble and very sunny wee home, and I can see and even feel me being very happy there. I can see me gardening, making a new herb garden and salad garden and reviving my old succulent garden. I can even see me hosting dinner parties where I am the only one not drinking alcohol and not giving a fuck! I could tell them all to walk so I can drive them home later!
So I am happy to say that after 43 days I am feeling mighty fine, and I may still be a bit raw and emotional sometimes, but I am starting to fit way more easily into my new sober skin. I am liking what I see ahead of me, and I am respecting the person I am becoming.
Whoop de Doo!!
But just so as you all know that I am not getting ideas of myself that are above my station, I will own the fact that I still smoke, I still swear, and I still eat chocolate, and too many fancy cheeses and garlic olives, and I still don't like exercise much (except that walk in the mountains was amazing).
When I was away, I had heaps of books but the only reading I did was keeping up with all of your posts on livingsober.org.nz. I was not ever by myself for more than a few minutes so I didn't respond to much, but I did manage to do the Fast Forward and That is Bullshit and Happy Sober Reality ones on my phone.
Heck! I almost forgot it is now the witching hour! I hope you are all giving yourselves a big pat on the back for being strong and cool. xo