It's been a while since I've done a post, sorry about that. While I've been enjoying the new website I haven't even done much on there, as I have had a rather extreme week, with some huge decisions to make, which is very gut wrenching and difficult (and it's not even about a man or relationship!). It's about biting off more than I can chew. For nearly 2 years I've been emotionally, mentally, creatively and financially invested in the design of my new home to be built overlooking the sea in a lovely part of Banks Peninsula, near Akaroa.
The long and short of it is that the cost of the build has absolutely skyrocketed out of control to the point where the peace and tranquility I was hoping to feel by going back to where I was born, and having a brand new warm and styley home, with beautiful views from each room, running my business from there via computer and phone with helpers in ChCh, will in fact stress the living shit out of me and keep me working till I kick the bucket!! So I have to be wise and let it go, after spending heaps on architect, engineer, consents for all sorts of things, bought all the tiles, the oven, the fridge, dishwasher.....day dreamed about it non stop....jeez...but better to lose a modest amount now than to be a slave to the banks for the rest of my life. (It was supposed to cost $350,000 less than it is costing). And in writing this down I am realising something. Well firstly that I have a very good quality of problem.... and I'm grateful for that. But mainly, the peace and tranquility I seek, and the stress free life I long for, are to be found within myself, not by where I live. It is up to me to arrange my life in such a way as to manifest for myself that which I desire. I can do this. I will do this. The house can go on the back burner for another few years, and if then I think I can better afford it, I will. And if not, my children can build on it later. To be happy and warm and comfortable is all I need and I have that right here.
The appliances and tiles I've bought will not be wasted as the wee bach I bought in Diamond Harbour when my marriage broke up in 2001 and my kids were just 9 and 13, is getting a big earthquake fix next year, so I'll give it a bit of a 'birthday' at the same time, and perhaps go and live back there, where it is sunny and lovely and has a great sense of community. Who needs a whacking great mortgage when I will be 60 in less than 2 years!!!
I am not sure if it is okay to talk about stuff like this on here, so please forgive me if it isn't, but I have to say I feel a hell of a lot better having got all that off my chest, and I am beginning to look forward to doing up my wee bach.
I have been to see my brother since I wrote all that, and he is healing up well and is supportive of my decision. I ended up telling him of my new sobriety decision as well (first family I've told apart from the kids) and he is very proud of me.
Heading over the hills now to see my man for the rest of the weekend, and try and digest all of these changes. I am very glad to be sober and clear headed. have a safe weekend all. xo
Hey you are doing some huge stuff here.. really amazingly great. I love this 'he peace and tranquility I seek, and the stress free life I long for, are to be found within myself, not by where I live' … how did you jump to this amazing realization so quickly. Wow. And great news about your bro… xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Lotta. I guess I have always known that, and I guess faced with the hugeness of having to let it all go at the 11th hour (mortgage papers expected to be signed tomorrow morning), I just dug up from deep to find the way to cope with the disappointment in a positve way. And writing it down was what helped me to see that more quickly than it may have otherwise. I am not looking forward to tomorrow when I will have to tell the architect, the mortgage broker, and a ton of others. But I believe strongly in following my intuition, and I know I have made the right decision, for now.
ReplyDeleteHi Prudence,you can talk about anything you like on here,I'm sure.Good on you for knowing when to walk away so to speak.You are right,it gets to a stage when it's about quality of life not all the fancy stuff.Especially if the debt means you can't sleep at night.In our 20s and 30s we took all the big risks.I'm a bit more chicken as I approach 50.
ReplyDeleteThanks Charlie. You sure sound like a fabulous woman. Glad to know you, sort of (sort of know you that is, not sort of glad!) haha. Have a great week x
ReplyDeleteYou talk about anything you please. :) I am sorry about your house, but you sound like you have a great perspective on it. Alot of debt would scare me silly...... the past 6 years both my husband and I have had a very unstable and uncertain work situation, and our mortgage keeps me awake at nights! There must be such peace to know that what you have is secure. That is a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteI am loving your blog. Thank you for writing.
Hi Shiney. Yes I have come to terms with it all now, and I feel so good that I have not gone ahead. Yes what I have got is secure, and that is a very good feeling, and I can improve on all I do have, and build only if and when it really seems right. I am sorry your work situation is a bit fragile, but try not to let it keep you awake. Life throws us a lot of curved balls, but it throws wonderful stuff in our paths as well, like our online community. The old "one door closes, another one opens" is a good thing to keep in mind. Lets keep writing on here as well as the new site, as they are both quote different, and you can kind of ramble on a bit more here don't you think? Have a great sleep x
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