Another lousy night's sleep and it's 5.30 am and I've been awake for an hour or so and also had a wakeful time around 2.30 but went back to sleep for a bit. Thought I might as well get up and write a few words since I couldn't yesterday as my day was somewhat extreme. Today my youngest brother is having surgery where he gets 2/3rds of his liver cut out due to his colon cancer having spread to his liver. He has already had the colon operation. I've been lying in bed trying to send out positive healing energy for him. Very sudden and a very scary time. Today is a big day for our family.
The chocolate cravings have kicked in, bit of a worry. Last weekend I bought a flake. Then when I went to that Calvary movie, before I knew it I'd bought a bag of chocolate peanuts and eaten the lot in about the first 1/4 of the movie. In fact I've been rather more hungry than usual the whole time. I got up in the night one night and ate a ginger kiss, then went back and got a chocolate biscuit. I never eat them and only have them in the house for my maintenance man who helps with my business, and for my partner who has a rather sweet tooth. I'll allow myself a wee bit of decadence in these early days I think, but will try not to accept it as a regular thing. It would be nice to eat really healthy seeing as I am being so good to my body by not throwing alcohol down my throat at every opportunity. I might as well capitalize on this positive event. I had a look online and am toying with the idea of joining a Hot Yoga class. They do it at high temperature to make you sweat. Might help me relax, and sleep. Just got to carve a bit of time out of my day once or twice a week I guess. Well if I got up this stupidly early every day, and worked instead of hanging around online here, I guess that would be easy. But I like hanging around on here, it feels good and I look forward to it. I haven't actually got anything interesting to say. Perhaps I am becoming quite boring. I wish I could think of a good joke. I haven't laughed much this week. Maybe I will go hire a couple of good comedy DVD's tomorrow, to have something to look forward to after the Bodhi Tree dinner. MMmmmm....looking forward to that. "Iced water please" (just practicing).
I hope a true and real "acceptance" will happen to me soon and the peace that I'm hoping will come with it. I can hardly wait to get on that "pink cloud" for a bit. Or is that months away yet, I can't remember! Bring it on is what I say. I hope you all have a marvelous day and treat yourselves real fine.
I feel like I haven't laughed much either this week. That's an odd thought. Sending good wishes to your brother..
ReplyDeleteThanks KS, you have a good day. And lets not forget it's winter too, and there's a whole big long summer coming on soon. (A good thing that we are getting used to this sobriety kick beforehand too as I am sure there will be more temptation in our way). But hopefully our thinking will have changed completely by then, and we are the ones who will be envied. How empowering that will be. Have a great weekend x
ReplyDeleteLove the Bodhi Tree!!!!!!! Good luck for today.. big stuff.. looking back you will be so grateful to have gone through it sober.. although it's fucking hard at the time. Go slowly and gently.. you are brave and amazing and I salute you xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Mrs D. I salute you right back. It is Your amazingness and bravery that's got me to this place, and that is for sure. Honestly, there have been so many reasons to quit for so many years, for me, and for so many others, but it was the raw power that is You, that touched me so deeply. I knew subconsciously in that moment that I would give it up and live the life I am meant to live. My other life was great, I was a high functioning pisshead too, and I guess I don't have too many regrets, but my new life is one I am trying very hard to embrace. I am over half way through Jason Vale and it is all starting to sink in, especially the AA...."in recovery for the rest of your life bullshit". I am going to do this. I am going to toughen up right now and do it on my fucking ear!! I am going to be in on the ground floor of the Revolution of the New Norm!! (so you can pat yourself on the back for that dear Lotta) xoxo (next time I'll probably be all boo hoo and whinging about something but never mind, I'm still going to do it). Yippi Yi Yay!!
DeleteSending a hug to you and healing thoughts to your brother.I haven't laughed much real laughter either but I did sleep well last night.I'm thinking about an evening Pilates class.I might make a list of treats for myself that aren't food.xx
ReplyDeleteHi Charlie. Thank you for your kindness. By sometime this evening all of the cancer will be gone from my brothers body. I am thinking nothing but positive, healing, 'beat the fucker' thoughts. He will survive this.
DeleteGive me the list you write for yourself, and I'll see if some of your ideas will work for me, and hey, I could add to it and some of mine might work for you too.
Have a great weekend x
Hey! We have a section of our new website called 'Sober Toolbox' and in that section is a page called 'Sober Treats' so we can all share these sorts of ideas…!
DeleteWe have just had a terrible battle with cancer in our family that has ripped our hearts out (and totally and utterly escalated my drinking) and my heart and love goes out to you. I will think of your brother too, beating this bastard for all of us! :). Don't beat yourself up over the other stuff, food and exercise. Baby steps, baby steps. You are doing something very amazing here, so celebrate that. Very dark chocolate is good by the way, hits the spot but pretty hard to eat too much of it. Yoga aint for me, but I know lots of people rave about it, and about hot yoga. Personally I find climbing up the top of a big fucker of a hill beats it all (bike, run, walk whatever gets you to the top). Nothing like screaming into the wind at the top of a mountain. Keep well this weekend. All my best to you xx
ReplyDeleteI hope things go well with your brother.
ReplyDeleteConsider going with the sweet cravings. It's better to feel like you are treating yourself and not be deprived. I have tried to it back along the way. It's risky, even at 8 months, to restrict yourself. Chocolate is way better than booze.
You should try yoga. I do it every day. Hot is fantastic, but very intense! Try it before you join anything!!!
Just keep looking at the good side is sober. No hangovers, not lying, no drunks arguments. Slowly that just feels better and better.
I posted the list.Yes,add yours to it.I need all the help I can get.He he,I love a hill walk like Colourful1.
ReplyDeleteI hope your brother continues to improve each day.Thinking of you,you're doing awesome.