Tuesday, 22 July 2014

SECOND DAY SOBER

Feeling a bit weird this morning.  Not because I haven't had a drink, I don't drink till about 5 anyway and I've only had one day off so far.  Today will be a bit harder as I have only had 2 days off in a row about twice in the last year. I try to have 2 days off a week but very seldom 2 in a row, and half the time that whole idea goes out the window anyway.  The old "fuck it" being the main excuse, but I use all the others too. I run my own company from home and I have a very busy life, so I "earn it", "deserve it", "feel like it", "why the heck not?", life is short", "life's for living, enjoy it".  They all sound quite reasonable actually, don't they?
I spend a lot of time on my own, at home working during the day, and often at home on my own in the evenings. Although my 23 year old daughter lives with me - she has a boyfriend and often stays there, or he stays here and they do their own thing.  The Southern Comfort is like my wee companion. I absolutely love it.  It's like liquid honey going down my throat and I can't get enough of it. It gets so sick sometimes with about the second drink that I practically skull the last half of the glass because I can't wait to pour the next one. Compulsion.  Yes, that's a good word. So why do I feel weird today?  Because I am doing all the usual things, up, bath, hair wash, makeup, make bed, all the while fielding phone calls, and sorting out problems with electricians and maintenance people, taking bookings, answering emails..........but all the time feeling obsessed with this HUGE decision I have made. I told my children last night.  Just to make it real.  I also told them not to be too disappointed in me if I fail. I don't want to fail.  But it feels so ENORMOUS that I feel like I might be kidding myself.  Who do I think I am that I could just give it up just like that because I want to?

3 comments:

  1. Monumental. You've made a decision - you've stood up and said "this is going to stop". Go you. Want some advice from good old experienced Day 11 me? Start reading books. Read Mrs D's book - read Jason's Vales book - read read read. Just constantly pour all that goodness into you instead of that poison. It really helps. Good luck, you are going to do great .xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww.... thanks so much. I read Mrs D's book on Sunday and Monday and I just got home from trying to buy Jason Vales book but Whitcoulls or Paper Plus didn't have it (useless), so I shall now try to order it online, or even see if the library has it. Getting to that twitchy hour....sheesh I could murder a wee drink! I won't though. I promise myself that I wont.

      Delete
  2. I can relate to the "life is short," "you deserve it," mentality. In the past when I have quit drinking I have had many moments of feeling sorry for myself because I can't enjoy all life has to offer. But of course we know that is totally false, if we were enjoying it why would we have gotten sober? Hang in there and enjoy the rest of a sober weekend!

    ReplyDelete