Well I actually do work for me, and that's the only reason I am not sacked!.
I got up quite early, bath, hair wash etc, and sat at my desk, looked in my diary at the big list of things I planned to accomplish today, book keeping, dealing with insurance stuff, taking new photo's to update my website, basically a whole lot of every day work stuff. But Aha....I have done nothing all morning except read wonderful stories from wonderful people here in NZ and all over the world who are trying to get sober, and Getting sober. Hahahaha......... I love it! When I do go out a bit later it will be to pick up the Jason Vale book I've ordered from the library, so I guess that will keep me pretty busy too! I am glad it is the middle of winter, and not so crazy as usual, so I'm figuring just one day to completely indulge myself isn't going to break the bank, and it's a good day because I'm here on my own with no one working for me today and it looks pretty cold outside. It's hilarious to me that I am now making wee excuses to myself to Blog and read Blogs instead of working, like I used to make excuses to myself to drink shitloads of southern comfort instead of having a nice dignified wee sober night off! The operative word here is actually Night. I drank at night, after a hard day's work. I have never liked to work at night, although I do love to work and I find a lot of satisfaction in what I'm doing. So I'd better get serious about figuring out how and when to fit this cool online stuff in. I spend most of my day sitting here at my desk, so I don't feel like doing that any more after about 5pm. Hmmmm....time management might be the key. Do some work all morning when my brain is fresh, and be very efficient and productive, and allow myself to knock off at 3pm each day. That could work for now, but never in summer. New idea....get a laptop. Then keep all my serious business stuff here on the PC, and walk away when I am ready to knock off, pour a little apricot nectar with ice, and check out whats going on with all you lovely people, from my couch, guilt free. Like I make it a chosen leisure activity. Work has nothing to do with this, and this has nothing to do with work. Well! I'm glad I've got that figured out.
I've been thinking about addiction. About replacing one addiction with another. I was very much in love some time back with a wonderful man, for 8 years, and he was in AA. Obviously we had a lot of tolerance for each other for it to last so long, the love answers that. He was obsessed with AA and went to meetings at least 4 times a week, sponsored several people at once, prayed, meditated, did readings every morning from several different books, and drank coffees all day with about a tablespoon of coffee in each one. He took his thermos coffee cup everywhere. I knew I had a drinking problem well before our relationship began, but to be quite honest his "addiction" to AA really frightened me. It was not that he was fragile around the booze, he was fabulous. He would drop me off at the Irish Bar in Lyttelton sometimes to meet some girlfriends for a drink while he went to his AA meeting, and pick me up after, and often stay and have a coffee while I had one more! (brat!) I could write volumes on this so I will cut to the chase. I ended the relationship, not because it was interfering with my drinking, not because I had stopped loving him, but because he was on such a spiritual realm, and so deep and so intense about his beliefs etc, that I selfishly wanted.....what? Feet planted firmly on the ground, reality. His reality was not my reality. Last time we spoke about 4 months ago he was off to Burma where he was invited into the monastery to be an honorary Monk for 6 weeks, and he has done this in Thailand and Cambodia several times too. So he is living his true vocation, and I was right to set him free.
I now understand his obsession with AA, and how important it is to have support and to be able to express yourself. I think this reading and writing and sharing online is a much more soothing and healthy way to do it, well for me anyway. I do have the utmost respect for AA. I am just not comfortable with it, personally.
It's great that when I start writing on here I have no idea what I am going to say after maybe my first sentence! I excuse myself if I ramble.
I am living inside my head a lot in these early days, and inside a lot of yours as well!
I have a very long way to go and a great deal to learn, so I will head off to the library now.....and hopefully Mr Vale will have some good teachings for me.
I hope everyone is having a good day today xo