BANKS PENINSULA GARDEN TOUR

I had a great weekend over at Takamatua with some of my family and my sister arranged for us all to do the Garden Tour. It took two days and we started at French Farm, then Wainui, Fishermans Bay, then lots of gardens in Akaroa. We finished up with that crazy mosaic garden "The Giants House" in Akaroa.  It is hard to believe that this one lady has done it all herself. What is she on?!!
I've been trying for a couple of days to get them up on a link, and have managed it with some help, but they are in the opposite order of how we saw them, so they begin with the crazy garden.
Just click any photo to enlarge and use arrows for next shot. (I am not the greatest photographer, I just point and click). Some very gorgeous gardens here, and they all do it themselves. Enjoy.

http://lizi60.wix.com/gallery

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN "THE ROLLING STONES"

Well I must say I had an absolutely cool, funny and fantastic weekend. The concert was totally awesome, just as I knew it would be. They let Keith do a couple of songs, he did Happy and Before You Make Me Run.  I love it so much when he gets to sing.(Mick usually only lets him do one song) And man he is such a cool old rocker, and when he smiles it's like it just lights up the whole stage, he sure was enjoying himself and played his heart out. Mick was like a 20 year old athlete strutting his stuff in his usual style and gave a fantastic energetic performance. Charlie was beautiful and always the gentleman and treated us with a couple of gorgeous smiles.  Ronnie played  like the legend he is and made me laugh as he lit about 4 cigarettes while they played and still does that thing where he puts it in the neck of his guitar under the strings and plays on.  He was looking a bit the worse for wear and tear I thought, could use a few cream cakes! Lisa Fischer was, as always, utterly amazing and did a bit of a solo which had everybody spellbound. Just beautiful, the power of her voice. Great to see Mick Taylor, I hadn't expected that and he got right down to it and played some real mean guitar with the boys. There were heaps more musicians and right now I've forgotten the names of a few important ones. Bernard Fowler -OMG so much power in his voice. They played Sympathy For the Devil and bought on the Auckland Youth Choir for that, which was stunning and very moving. Forgot to mention it rained, just a drizzle, and we had rubbish bags with holes cut out for our heads and arms. I bought a T Shirt before the concert so used that for a hat. It was so cool to see this concert with my 3 long time girlfriends who are all big Stones lovers from way back.

The weekend away was a cool wee break for me, flew up with my good friend from Lyttelton and we got a rental car with a slightly faulty GPS which caused some hilarious moments and wonderfully colourful language from both of us. We got to do heaps of stuff in the very short time we were there. Managed to stick to my ginger beers when all around me were swilling beers and wines and ciders in the afternoon down at the viaduct. We were having a big catch up with my brother and his 2 sons who'd come over from Melbourne to watch it with their Dad, my daughter and 5 of her friends who flew up for it, and some other Christchurch friends. Then back to the lovely house in Beach Haven overlooking the sea to get ready for the concert, where a few more drinks and a few wotevers were going on, and a lovely icy ginger beer for me, then driven all the way to the concert and picked up afterwards by my friends husband (husbands weren't invited to attend). It occurred to me that this was the first concert I have ever been to sober or completely straight. I loved it. I heard every note, every guitar riff, noticed everything, and was totally there in each moment. It was also great not to have to be thinking about how I could get another drink and how long that would take, or lining up for the loo. I could feel the energy of the others slumping a bit as their drinks kind of wore off, and I was glad that it was all real and raw for me.

This was really my first big challenge, catching up with these friends who are totally favourite much loved girlfriends and drinking buddies from nearly forty years ago. We don't always see each other often but when we catch up we sure do make the most of it. So I think it was a little weird for them, as well as me. I don't think they found me too boring, and I found out for myself that I can still be funny and witty and have a great time. They are probably a wee bit shocked and bewildered, because I guess I was the main culprit, and the one who always got us all together. They are happy for me though, I think. It was really nice to know that I could check in and write wee posts to my online community at LivingSober, which I did a few times, and getting some responses was very cool, just to know there are people out there who have my back, and care what is going on for me. So all in all I am feeling strong, grateful and happy, and I had a mighty fine time xo

FLAT LINING?

I've been having a bit of trouble expressing myself the last couple of weeks, even to myself! I am not really sure how I am feeling. There's nothing wrong, just life going on as usual. I am happy and proud to have reached triple numbers and at 115 days today I guess I must be approaching four months. I have had a couple of nice outings lately, well parties really but in the afternoon. The first was an Upper Middle Bogan party that a girlfriend put on where me and another friend dressed the part and went along. She has given up smoking and I'd given up drinking so that was a bit of humour and a challenge for us both.  The other was a nice Jazz afternoon on a friend's lawn. I got through both of those with a couple of nice soft drinks and not really a bother at all. The Bogan one lasted till the wee hours but we got home at 6.30 after about 4 hours.
I think I am feeling a bit glum to be honest. My daughter moved out two weekends ago and I was not dreading it or anything as it was the right time and a natural progression for both of us. So now I'm rattling around in my big 4 bedroom villa on my own, and that's ok, I just feel a bit weird.  My business is very busy at this time of year, and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep up with all the details. I operate from home so you could say I don't get out much, though I do get out and about picking up parts and other necessary items required.  If I was lonely I would probably be ringing up family and friends more to have chats, but I'm not doing much of that at all. I think I am mentally exhausted by the end of the day, and just want to have something to eat, and check into Living.sober.org.nz and see how all my online sober buddies are doing that day. That actually takes up a lot of time but I've got a tablet now and do it away from my desk so it is separate from my work, and it's about my favourite leisure activity (is that sad)? It certainly takes a hell of a lot less time than drinking!! I love watching movies too but the stupid Sky remote isn't working and for 2 weeks I've been waiting on a replacement. Useless service!!  I guess I am still adjusting to this new way of living I've taken on, and I guess also there have been some major changes in my life since doing so.
I have heaps to be grateful for and I am looking forward to going to Auckland next weekend to catch up with friends and go to the Stones concert (for the 4th time)! Then the following weekend I am catching up with family and going on an all weekend garden tour on Banks Peninsula. That sounds so grown up and I'm not even 60 yet! Not even 59!
I've been trying to be really open to what it is in me that I've been trying to dull down with alcohol all this time.  I honestly don't know. I am hoping it will be revealed to me some time soon. I am feeling a bit boring and serious at the moment, as you can tell by the writing. Hopefully I'll have a bit more flow back on next time I check in here. I think this is my time to really try some of this self care you all talk about. I tried it tonight by cooking myself new potatoes, the first broad beans from my garden, and chicken tenders stuffed with green Harrissa and soft Italian cheese and wrapped in prosciutto. It was lovely but I felt like a bit of a dick cooking and eating it by myself. I'd bought the ingredients last weekend thinking one of the kids might be over for dinner, so thought I'd better use it up. Here begins a long weekend, and one way or another I intend to make the most of it. Could be reading, could be writing, could be working, could be movies, could be visiting, could be navel gazing, or if I get really lucky I'll think of a few jokes to tell myself and then it could be laughing!  Over and out........

MRS D'S QUEENSTOWN EVENT PART 2

I don't know why I never wrote part two of the Queenstown Event until now.  Partly just being busy and occupied having fun in Queenstown, and more likely is that when I got back after a few days away it was insanely busy for me here catching up and keeping on top of my business (which is a bit insane at the best of times)!
The speaking event with Mrs D was absolutely fantastic. She is a truly natural speaker, with the most quietly powerful honesty, raw and gritty, and just so flipping real that it cannot help but touch a deep chord within anyone who listens, whether they have a problem or not!  No one left that hall that night without being deeply moved by Lotta and her story. I would guarantee that.  It was so great to meet her and have the opportunity to chat away with her for quite a while. She is a fabulous, funny and gorgeous person, and she is definately my Hero.
So all in all it was a fabulous wee trip away, and great fun to get right out of my comfort zone and pick up another member of Living Sober at her house at 5.00am to fly down together, rent an apartment for two nights, and just hang out together. We got on like a house on fire, had lots of stories to tell each other, felt very comfortable with each other, and enjoyed walks beside the lake, many cafes, and a trip up the gondola where I also had a couple of rides on the Luge (nice wee adreniline buzz).  On one of our walks on the last day, it was beautiful and sunny and after walking for a while, we each found a comfortable rock to lean on, and had a half hour meditation. This was great for me, the sounds of the waves lapping onto the beach were quite loud and I got my breathing in sinc with them, and with each inward breath I was drawing strength, and with each outward breath I was letting go of anguish I have been feeling on several levels. I have often tried meditation through my life, guided ones, and ones alone, and it has been helpful to a degree, but I think this was really the first time I have totally and utterly succeeded in getting into an amazing space, where there really was just me and my breath and the sea. I can highly recommend that!
Today is my 105th day of being alcohol free
My friend is coming over soon and we are going to a little jazz afternoon at a friend's back lawn.  Cucumber sandwiches and all, the invite proclaims! I guess I'd better go try to make something posh to take.
So over and out for now.....

MRS D'S QUEENSTOWN EVENT

Sitting up in bed right now watching the people go up and down on the Gondala. I'm down in Queenstown with a new friend who I met yesterday when we flew down here together to attend Mrs D's speaking event this evening. Really looking forward to hearing Lotta's story first hand and also meeting other Living Sober members who are here for the event. The sun is shining and the scenery spectacular and it is very cool to be back in this beautiful town, which holds many happy memories for me.
I think I am 93 days sober today and there have been some big changes in my life. I miss my long time companion hugely and that is certainly taking some adjusting to. I am spending way more time alone than I ever have in many years, and that is ok too as I have much to learn and a lot more changes and improvements to make. I try not to beat myself up for not making these improvments quicker. If I stay living without alcohol I am hoping these positive changes will just gradually happen.
Wow! A bright blue and orange paraglider just literally flew past my bedroom window. Never a dull moment down here!
I haven't got anything very insightful to say, in fact I am having a little trouble expressing myself of late. A bit of inner turbulence. That is to be expected I suppose, if one is taking a good hard and brutally honest look at ones self.
However, one mustn't be too serious and introspective either, as there is so much to be positive about, and so much fun to be had, so much work to be done, so many movies to be watched and so many books to be read. And so many hash browns and eggs to be eaten.  I'm starving! Time for a wee walk into town, a nice breakfast, and a walk beside the Lake. Might do a part 2 after the event!

SUNNY SATURDAY

I’ve been having a real happy time the last couple of days, I think I am on my first pink cloud!  I’ve had plenty of other happy days but this is different.  It is kind of exciting when you can hardly wipe the smile off your face, and every song that comes on the radio is a fantastic old classic from the 70’s or 80’s and they all feel like my favourite song, especially Beast of Burden from the Stones.

I have been thinking of something I learned in a course I did once on Intuitive Therapy.  I did the one year course to get better in touch with and develop my own intuition. I was thinking it might help anyone struggling out there with any situation at all, even including deciding to get sober, or staying sober if you already are.  These are the four A’s of Intuitve Therapy:

A – Acknowledgement  (fully acknowledging the problem, whatever it is, taking the time to really acknowledge it)

A – Acceptance (this takes a wee bit longer, but to fully accept and own the situation)

A – Allowing  (this is to fully allow all of the feelings you have around the situation and to sit with those feelings and allow yourself to really feel them, allow them to come right up to the surface and be experienced, however painful and uncomfortable, and for as long as it takes)

A – Action  (Once the first three steps have been achieved fully and deeply, the action to take will be revealed to yourself, from yourself, and you will be ready to take the action required.  You will absolutely Know what needs to be done and how to go about it).

This has helped me immensely sometimes, with big problems and small.  If it is a small problem it may only take  five or ten minutes.  If it is a bigger more deep seated problem, it might take days, or longer.  There is no rush, as it is a very thorough way of dealing with stuff.  When drinking a lot I usually forgot to put this into practice, but when I did, I have always had very positive results in getting out of a stuck place and making my life much better.   

I saw a T-Shirt I loved once.  It said “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It”

This sort of suits me a wee bit, because I often know the answers, and can advise or help others, but I fail to use any of my own learning on myself.  I aim to get better at that.

My brother saw an old friend today who must of heard that I've given up drinking, and he said "I feel really sorry for all those people losing their jobs" My brother said "what people"? the friend said " All the poor bastards down at the distillery, now that Southern Comfort has had to go out of business" !!

BANISH THOSE BOOZY THOUGHTS!!

For some reason I have been thinking a lot about the taste of Southern Comfort, and how it feels sliding down my throat, and how it sounds when mixed with the diet coke and about 6 blocks of ice and the gentle tinkling sound it makes when I raise the glass to my mouth. I also love the sound when I pour just the first drink out of a new bottle and it sort of makes an interesting "glug glug glug" sound.  I thought maybe if I face it completely head on and write about these thoughts and feelings, and dreams I've had, that I might be able to figure out what's going on and how to banish them.
I've thought about how many over at livingsober.org have had multiple day 1's or at least more than just their first attempt at being sober. So I've weighed it up and thought, well I can fail too if I want, and I will still be forgiven and encouraged and supported by our wonderfully kind team of members. I could go and get a couple of litres and give it a really good nudge for a couple of weeks and then just stop again. Maybe I will hate it more after that.
I have also been thinking about the huge bunch of incredible, amazingly gorgeous, highly intelligent, kind and compassionate and just absolutely wonderful people we have on the soberliving team. I was driving along in my cool new car before and I started giggling at a thought I had (and I might as well admit that it isnt the first time I've had this thought, I just didn't think I would ever have the guts to share it).  I thought "wouldn't it be one hell of an amazing party if we could all catch up just once a year and get on the piss together for one night".  Then we all go sober again. I even thought it through further than that.  That it should be only for those more than one  year sober and only those who dared to risk it (or were stupid enough). I thought it might be good to have just one night of drinking to look forward to each year, and that it didn't involve our families or friends, our homes (all triggers)......it was just one big catch up, and a big laugh........and we all get to know each other.......... HOW SICK AM I???  A very sick puppy indeed!!!!

I am obviously mourning more than just the end of my relationship. What can I say?
I can say that I am somewhat ashamed to have had these thoughts and they are not really serious, and I know how utterly pointless and almost immoral it is to our sobriety.  It is sick! I must be much sicker than I thought.  Bit sad eh?

The idea has been floated for having an annual sober conference, which makes far more perfect sense, as this way we would actually get to know each other as our true and lovely positive sober selves, and it would include everyone, and the old timers would be supporting the newbies which is exactly as it should be (she says at a mere 73 days). And this is actually such an awesome idea that perhaps we could even make it happen if we wanted it enough.  We have a lot of members so even if 500 of us put up $200 each well there's $10,000 to play with. Just a thought!

So, now that anyone reading this is shocked, possibly angry, and down right disgusted in me, I will continue to try and fight these massive cravings head on. I will be brutally honest with myself.  I absolutely LOVE the Poison.  I miss it hugely.  It did not do me any favours.  It did not improve my personality.  It did not make me more creative.  It did not give me more energy or more motivation.  It did not enhance my business.  It did not make me better looking.  It stole my sleep.  It stole my health.  It stole my well being and it lessoned greatly my own (and others) opinion of myself.  There were a lot of laughs but it did not improve my friendships, relationships or my family life. It tried to steal my spirit (accidental pun), but that hasn't worked.  I might be a little bit weary, and worse for wear and tear, but my spirit is Not broken, and I know what I must do.  I must see these cravings for exactly what they are. They are the bratty nasty witchy bitch alter ego trying to suck me back into the fold. I am strong. Stronger than that false bitch!!  I will soldier on. I will sock that bitch in the face each time she rears her ugly mocking face.  I will show her who's the fucking boss around here!!!