Thursday, 13 November 2014


I've been having a bit of trouble expressing myself the last couple of weeks, even to myself! I am not really sure how I am feeling. There's nothing wrong, just life going on as usual. I am happy and proud to have reached triple numbers and at 115 days today I guess I must be approaching four months. I have had a couple of nice outings lately, well parties really but in the afternoon. The first was an Upper Middle Bogan party that a girlfriend put on where me and another friend dressed the part and went along. She has given up smoking and I'd given up drinking so that was a bit of humour and a challenge for us both.  The other was a nice Jazz afternoon on a friend's lawn. I got through both of those with a couple of nice soft drinks and not really a bother at all. The Bogan one lasted till the wee hours but we got home at 6.30 after about 4 hours.
I think I am feeling a bit glum to be honest. My daughter moved out two weekends ago and I was not dreading it or anything as it was the right time and a natural progression for both of us. So now I'm rattling around in my big 4 bedroom villa on my own, and that's ok, I just feel a bit weird.  My business is very busy at this time of year, and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep up with all the details. I operate from home so you could say I don't get out much, though I do get out and about picking up parts and other necessary items required.  If I was lonely I would probably be ringing up family and friends more to have chats, but I'm not doing much of that at all. I think I am mentally exhausted by the end of the day, and just want to have something to eat, and check into and see how all my online sober buddies are doing that day. That actually takes up a lot of time but I've got a tablet now and do it away from my desk so it is separate from my work, and it's about my favourite leisure activity (is that sad)? It certainly takes a hell of a lot less time than drinking!! I love watching movies too but the stupid Sky remote isn't working and for 2 weeks I've been waiting on a replacement. Useless service!!  I guess I am still adjusting to this new way of living I've taken on, and I guess also there have been some major changes in my life since doing so.
I have heaps to be grateful for and I am looking forward to going to Auckland next weekend to catch up with friends and go to the Stones concert (for the 4th time)! Then the following weekend I am catching up with family and going on an all weekend garden tour on Banks Peninsula. That sounds so grown up and I'm not even 60 yet! Not even 59!
I've been trying to be really open to what it is in me that I've been trying to dull down with alcohol all this time.  I honestly don't know. I am hoping it will be revealed to me some time soon. I am feeling a bit boring and serious at the moment, as you can tell by the writing. Hopefully I'll have a bit more flow back on next time I check in here. I think this is my time to really try some of this self care you all talk about. I tried it tonight by cooking myself new potatoes, the first broad beans from my garden, and chicken tenders stuffed with green Harrissa and soft Italian cheese and wrapped in prosciutto. It was lovely but I felt like a bit of a dick cooking and eating it by myself. I'd bought the ingredients last weekend thinking one of the kids might be over for dinner, so thought I'd better use it up. Here begins a long weekend, and one way or another I intend to make the most of it. Could be reading, could be writing, could be working, could be movies, could be visiting, could be navel gazing, or if I get really lucky I'll think of a few jokes to tell myself and then it could be laughing!  Over and out........


  1. Blinkin' interesting Prudence.I like to see where you are at and it's usually a similar stage to myself,even though our lives are different. I have noticed a shift in myself this last few weeks and have been trying to put my finger on just what it is.I couldn't come up with an answer.( I like to think I'm all complex and rather suspect I am not)I have decided I needed a focus and a goal and to keep moving forward rather than sit and wonder what now? I want to plan a family trip to the US and Canada.Now, we are not rich and it will take some time and commitment to gather the funds for 2016 and my 50th.So that's my goal and I opened the bank account today.While others love to navel gaze I have learned not to do too much or I will pick apart the whole fabric of my life( have done that before) and I don't want to do that.So it's head down and bum up and if any wonders arrive to my mind then that's all good.It's taking time to get to know/like this new sober Charlie but I just have to keep plodding along.Have a lovely long weekend my friend.I wish I was going to the Stones.Lucky you xox

  2. Always great to hear from you Charlie. I think you might be right. Why get all complicated and deep when there is no need to. I drank because I liked it, and it became a habit. It is probaby that simple. Life now is happening, changing, taking a bit of getting used to and that is okay. Just now, probably due to the time of year, it is a bit stressful, and I needn't look for some big revelation to explain how I am temporarily feeling. If I happen to get the odd insight then thats great, and just part of growth I guess. I love how it all changes, no particular way of feeling hangs around for too long. So best just to get on with it, embrace the changes and not over think things.Your message is timely, and grounding, thanks. Hey guess what. I am going to Canada next August for my neice's wedding. She has had her brain surgery and is doing great and is such a brave, smart and funny wee trooper, so proud of her. Anyway she has especially asked me to come so it would be rude not to I feel. My friend who I met starting high school when we were both 12 is going to come too and we hope to have a bit of a look around Canada for a few weeks while we are there. So similarities are becoming geographical as well Charlie. Will report in on the Stones concert soon, getting excited about that for sure. Have a great weekend xoxo

  3. Hey there thanks for putting the link up on Living Sober. I've popped over to say congrats on your journey to date. i'm with you on the kids leaving/right time, all good but the house feels odd. As for cooking for yourself, well I'd stopped and started and stopped and started. Its either something crap or something amazing, I know no middle ground.

    I'm looking forward to reading more and thank you for being such a support to me always and all the others!

  4. Hey, Daisy, great to hear from you over here in blog Siberia.
    Can you give me the link to your blog? I did start reading it when you first started out and saw beautiful pictures of gorgeous rugged rocky Scottish countryside and the sea I think. I would love to read more. One day I will figure out how to put some photo's up on here. Glad to read today of the return of your husband after his travels, and I hope this is a very cool happy time for you. He will be very proud of you, that's for sure, just as we all are xo

  5. I think it is lovely that you cooked yourself a nice dinner. It's important to take care of ourselves properly.

  6. That's alright! Just rest in the thought that you are in a better place with sobreity. I can see how it can isolate and deprive you of further company and friends, but once you realize the positivity it will bring you, those friends will also see it to in you. Anyway, thanks for being brave to share that! All the best to you!

    Donnie Benson @ Midwest Institute for Addiction