It's been a long time again since my last post and that's because I've been going through some stuff in my personal life where I've been all churned up and worried, anguished and muddled and not sleeping well at all. It would feel disloyal to say too much on here of why I have made the choice I've made, and I still have too much love and respect to wish to hurt in any way, my man who will never read this. I have had a big and very raw and honest communication with Mr Normal yesterday morning giving him the reasons why I need to go forward in my life now alone. I have conveyed to him that none of this is his fault and there is no blame placed on him and no bad feelings, as it is me who has changed. He was kind and understanding.
And hurt. Ouch........It hurts so much to hurt him. I feel sad, empty, and a little fearful of how much I will miss him, the lovely companionship we have shared for nearly five years, and all the movies and meals and music and holidays, the many kindesses, and the love. I still love him. I'm sure he still loves me.
I am grateful to myself for having the courage to get way out of my comfort zone to express my feelings and the reasons why this is not enough for me, and to change my life to how I know it needs to be.
I feel pretty sad and vulnerable today, but somewhere in with that is a sense of relief, that I have my life back, that I am being true to myself and the spirit inside me, and I know that a quiet courage will grow to help me face and embrace whatever lies ahead for me.