Sunday, 8 March 2015
I’ve been feeling pretty weird and introspective this weekend, kind of lonely and a bit daunted but not really feeling like company either. Today I got up and drove down to Taylors Mistake and walked the beach in an attempt to blow all the cobwebs out and get back on my Yellow Brick Road. It was certainly windy enough to blow anything out. I walked over the little cliff track to Hobsons Bay, the track goes right through the front deck/exteriors of some of the houses that are perched on the rocks. Once there, it was quite sad and beautiful all at the same time seeing all the wee baches set into the rocks, some immaculately kept and others destroyed by the earthquakes and open to the elements. The surf was powerful here and I sat on a log for a while and got my breathing in tempo with the waves crashing, and just breathed in all the goodness of the sea and fresh air. More cobwebs to blow out though so then I walked the beach again and up over the hill to Boulder Bay, walking along a nice little path zig-zagging its way around the point. On the way back I veered off this path onto a narrow sheep track and wound my way around the hills well above the main path, till I eventually ended up back near the car park. I love it over there and I’m glad I went. On this walk I was thinking about the vulnerable way I am feeling and trying to snap out of it. By the end of the walk the word that kept coming into my mind was Trust. I often advise others who are struggling to trust themselves, to trust that things will get easier, better. I am not often very good at listening to my own advice, so today I will be an A student and I will Trust that by hanging on to my sobriety I am doing the very best thing I can do for myself and those around me. I will Trust that these flat and low moods will pass and I’ll soon be happily bouncing along again. I will Trust that all this walking I am doing will not only eventually make me lose some weight, but they’re making my body stronger, fitter and healthier. I will Trust that although the path to getting sober can be a quiet and lonely time, it will lead to times where my life will be full of interesting wonderful characters. I will Trust the power of the cyber friendships I have with like-minded people trying to achieve the same goals as me. And I will Trust myself to cope with all that is bothering me, remain strong, and remain sober.